"Glad to do it. People tend to remember me on just one day a year, then forget about me for the next 364 days. Unless I'm roadkill."
"May I say, it seems you've seen your shadow more times than not in recent years. Is that true?"
"You mean, am I always the bad news rodent? I guess so. How many times do you think I can pop up out of my hole at the beginning of February and say, 'Hey, Spring must be just around the corner'? In Pennsylvania, yet."
"How do you handle always having to be the bearer of bad news?"
"Hey, I know its comin', so I just climb out, sniff around, and then get the hell out of there as quick as I can."
"But its been worse lately, hasn't it?"
"Yeah, it really has. You know, winter-casting has been a tradition in my family for a long time. Not just here in Pennsylvania but back in the old country. My cousins the badgers had the job then. But they had it easy, I mean, how bad can another six weeks of winter be in England, for instance? At least until this year, anyhow."
"Your family did this back in England?"
"Oh, yeah. There its related to Candlemas, you know, the religious feast day, Jesus in the Temple and all. Big with the Catholics. The Brits had a poem about it. Want to hear it?"
"Uh…sure."
"If Candlemas be fair and bright,
Winter has another flight.
If Candlemas brings clouds and rain,
Winter will not come again."
"Mmm. Very interesting. But you were saying something about this year?"
"OMG, this year was the worst."
"The worst winter?"
"If it were that simple, I'd be fine. The problem is, it was so different for everybody. I've never had so many negative e-mails: its too wet, its too cold, its too dry, its too hot. Gimme a break!"
"You're saying that everybody had all different kinds of weather this winter, but they were all unhappy?"
"That's right. The problem is, even though people gripe every winter, they really don't want it to change. But this year everything did change. Those who usually get a lot of snow, got none. Those who usually get a lot of rain, got none. Those who usually have moderate temperatures froze their butts off. And some, like those Alaskans up there where they usually get freezing weather and a lot of snow - and why do they live up there to begin with, I ask myself? - got absolutely buried in it this year. Go figger."
"Why do you think this year was different?"
"I don't know. I'm just a groundhog. I watch the weather channel like everyone else. But no one really seems to have an answer. First half the winter they talked about La Nina, but lately they seem more hung up on the Arctic Oscillation."
"What's that?"
"Its like the northern version of the jet stream, like a halo around the arctic circle, spinning counterclockwise. When it spins normally, it holds in the cold arctic air, but if it slows down, like this year, it drops some of its cold air and warmer air can penetrate up through it, so the jet stream changes to follow the warmer air north in some places and drop south with the cold air in others."
"OK, I'll bite.What causes the Arctic Oscillation to change?"
"Well, nobody knows for sure, but there does seem to be a link to accumulating greenhouse gases in the atmosphere."
"So we can expect more weather like this?"
"You can see I've got my bags packed over there."
"Where will you go?"
"Anywhere that nobody knows I was ever in the winter-casting business. Like maybe the South Pacific somewhere. I'm killer in sunglasses and a thong."
"Phil, thanks so much for taking this time with us. We wish you all the best in your new life."
No comments:
Post a Comment