Tell, Show, and Do

In my piece about character in Independent School Magazine (Winter, 2012) I talk about teaching the values, behaviors and skills for good character in a tribal way, where all role models consider themselves to be a stake holder and thus ultimately responsible in small or large part for the development of the young person in their midst. Once so committed, we inevitably teach a child in three basic ways; 1. by telling, 2. by showing, and 3. by doing.

By far the most difficult of the three is doing. And so it comes as no surprise that this is the most effective method as well. It is difficult because it requires commitment. It is effective because when the student sees that you walk the walk he/she knows you mean what you say.

It has been my experience, and not just in education, that most people can tell…and many people can show…but very few actually do. Beware. You can not fake doing. If you do not believe enough to do, if you do not continually strive to perfect those qualities in yourself that you teach , you become transparent, and cannot gain the respect necessary to teach effectively.

This in essence is why character is so difficult to teach in a school setting. Teaching math or english, for example, does not require the same commitment nor is there as much disagreement about content. But when it comes to a hierarchy of values there can be a great division. Further, there is reluctance to appear to impose one's own value structure upon another. Nor should we. What we should be teaching is that personal values constantly evolve and grow, just as relationships evolve and grow, and as empathy and spiritual understanding grow. What is important is to have values and to stand for something beyond oneself.

Doing is the downfall of many. Politicians are particularly prone. Need I point out Congress or some current presidential candidates? There is great confidence among those who do not do that they can overcome this by a greater volume of telling. Some are very gifted tellers. But ultimately, they are transparent.

Teachers can be very effective show-ers by the nature of their craft, which frequently involves pointing out some individual who has done or currently is doing what the teacher is telling. It is doing once removed, effective but not as effective as doing oneself. There are many examples of good characters in history that one can show. Unfortunately, it seems one must actually be history to be an effective example for showing. It is human to doubt the character of contemporaries. We tend to retain suspicions about them until they are released from our competitive sphere, at which point it is safe to recognize them for those characteristics we were aware of all along. Steve Jobs comes to mind as one who was vilified by almost as many as those who worshipped him right up to his death, after which admiration of him became universal. Of those from history that we now hold as good examples of character, such as Abraham Lincoln, Bishop Tu Tu, or Jesus Christ, most experienced similar doubt and denigration from their contemporaries. Strong character never leads up an easy path.

In a close family there can be no deception, for the relationship with the teller is intimate, and therefore what you do is more effect instruction than what you tell. In the tribes of our antecedents, where members relied implicitly upon what others might do for their own personal safety, this was equally true. Since that time, whether in terms of chronology as in the first example or history as in the second, many subsequent layers of distance have gradually become superimposed between teacher and the student rendering it much more difficult to discern whether the teller is truly doing. In a typical public school where a student might have eight teachers a day and sit in a class of thirty students, showing on the part of the teller is not as easily proved. Or when a candidate for office tells and then says "trust me" distance has always been an impediment to revealing doing.

But now we have Google and Bing and search engines that with a touch of a key can expose doing, for good or ill. Even on a global scale transparency threatens to expose tellers who are not do-ers. It is why middle east dictators are so concerned with eliminating the social media from within their countries.

Ultimately, I suppose the best attitude is the one illustrated by those three little monkeys; see no evil, hear no evil, speak no evil, but in order to teach no evil, in terms of character education, I suggest you do it if you intend to tell it.